I Cant Envision Myself Ever Having Sex Again Seinfeld
Who would have thought that a "short, stocky, slow-witted, bald man" would go i of the funniest sitcom icons in Idiot box history? Jason Alexander was robbed of an Emmy win multiple times while spending ix years playing Jerry Seinfeld's neurotic best friend George Costanza, a character known for his horrible bad luck and questionable life decisions. Fan adoration and massive critical acclaim continue to give credit where credit is due, however.
Amusement Weekly named George Costanza the third-best sidekick ever. TV Guide named him the 10th greatest telly character of all fourth dimension. Ricky Gervais called him "arguably the greatest sitcom character of all time." It could have something to do with a hilarious writing team that gave the character so many wonderful quotes throughout the years. This list has been updated to showcase fifteen of the virtually iconic throughout Seinfeld'southward amazing nine-year run.
Updated on January 10th, 2022 by Derek Draven: Equally mentioned in a higher place, we've decided to add a few more quotes to this list for a m total of fifteen. Each one showcases the mixture of writing and acting talent that helped bring George Costanza to life. Some of these quotes took place in the moment, while others have links to the cultural and social lexicon. Seinfeld continues to run in heavy repeat syndication beyond multiple networks, giving existing audiences and new generations of viewers the chance to express mirth along at the hilarious misfortunes of one of one-act's well-nigh lively and energetic characters. Behold, the Lord of the Idiots in all his majesty.
15 "Squirrel? Well, We Have No Deal With Them!"
George had been living by an unwritten lawmaking forged between New Yorkers, and the pigeons that dwelt within. Pigeons got out of the way of cars, and New Yorkers looked the other fashion on the statue defecations. Imagine his surprise when a grouping of pigeons refused to get out of the way, causing George to run them all over.
Already in the doghouse with his girlfriend because of the incident, George took it upon himself to purposely swerve out of the way of a pigeon when they next rode together. Unfortunately, he failed to spot a nearby squirrel which he ran over instead.
fourteen "You Should've Seen The Look On Her Confront! It Was The Same Wait My Father Gave Me When I Told Him I Wanted To Be A Ventriloquist!"
Desperate to print a very intellectual woman, George asked Elaine to take his I.Q. test for him and so he could fake a practiced consequence. Unfortunately, a serial of mishaps caused Elaine to mess the test upward and cause his score to plummet to an unimaginable 85.
George came back to Jerry'south place to face up Elaine on the disaster, uttering this hilarious quote that left audiences in stitches at the mental pictures. Luck, it seems, was never on George's side to begin with.
13 "Oh Noooooo! I'k So Sorry, It's The MOOPS! The Correct Answer Is 'The Moops.'"
This quote comes courtesy of what some believe to be one of the prove'due south near overrated episodes. George and Susan found themselves on the doorstep of a dear boyfriend known affectionately as "the Bubble Boy" by the local customs, due to his need to stay in a protective bubble at all times. Unfortunately, the Bubble Boy was a complete jerk, and both he and George were like oil and water.
Afterward sitting down to play an unfriendly game of fiddling pursuit, George became irate that he was losing. A chance moment to get revenge came when George pulled a card asking who invaded Spain during the 8th century. The Bubble Boy correctly answered "the Moors," just George was all-besides-happy to take advantage of a misprint on the menu which read "Moops," instead.
12 "You're Giving ME The 'It'due south Non You lot, Information technology'south Me' Routine? I INVENTED 'Information technology's Non You, Information technology's Me'!"
George was such a loser that he actually took pride in beingness dumped. An instance occurred when his frustrated girlfriend broke upward with him past giving him the classic "it's not you, information technology'south me" line. So insulted was George that he came down difficult on her for daring to use an excuse he himself had used so many times before.
Unwilling to be lied to, George insisted that it wasn't in fact her merely himself who was the problem. When she finally acknowledged that it was, in fact, George, he replied "You're damn right it's me!"
11 "I'k Disturbed, I'm Depressed, I'1000 Inadequate – I've Got Information technology All!"
George Costanza has gone to keen lengths on many occasions to convince women that he's a normal, well-adjusted guy in social club to get dates, merely the ane time he actually managed it, she turned out to be more than interested in the kind of depressed loser that he really was in his everyday life.
Realizing that Jerry'due south fun-loving comedy persona was a major hit with the ladies, George forced him to act like a depressed killjoy in order to brand himself look ameliorate. The plan backfired when George's appointment institute herself incredibly attracted to Jerry'southward dark and disturbed faux persona. Panicking, George shouted this quote in a desperate attempt to convince her that he was actually the disturbed and depressed one.
ten "Oh, No, Thanks. I Tin't Drink Coffee Tardily At Dark. Information technology Keeps Me Up."
The flavor two episode "The Telephone Message" found an angry George leaving a series of irate messages on a woman's answering motorcar afterwards she stopped returning his calls. Unfortunately, he failed to realize she was on vacation at the fourth dimension. His next plan is to erase the tape before she gets a chance to hear it, to hilarious result.
Information technology all started when she invited George up for coffee, to which he replied with this quote. It didn't take long for him to realize his mistake. "She invites me up at twelve o'clock at dark, for java, and I don't go up. 'No, thank you. I don't want coffee. It keeps me up. Too late for me to drink java.' I said this to her. People this stupid shouldn't be immune to live."
9 "Nosotros Have Watched You Take Our Love Yankees And Reduce Them To A Laughing Stock!"
In the hilarious and iconic episode "The Opposite," George decides to do the opposite of every one of his natural bumbling instincts. When he interviews for a chore at the Yankees and meets George Steinbrenner, he launches into a rant that would commonly tank anyone else's employment chances. George pulls no punches as he tells Steinbrenner exactly what's on his heed.
Plainly, the opposite move turned out to the be right 1 after Steinbrenner replied "Hire this man!" Information technology was notwithstanding another goal for George'south win streak up to that signal. What a shame information technology wouldn't last long earlier he went back to his old neurotic self.
8 "I Know I'm Not Cartwright!"
The network executives initially weren't sure about season 2's "The Chinese Restaurant" episode, only it would afterward get one of Seinfeld'southward almost memorable. Sure, information technology's just about the characters waiting for a table in a restaurant, simply that's par for the class on a show about nada. While waiting for a phone call from a woman, the waiter at the eating place informs him that she had called and asked for "Costanza," only he replied "Cartwright" instead.
What follows is a hilarious commutation between George and Jerry talking nigh the waiter who answered the phone and chosen out the name Cartwright. Jerry asks, "Who's Cartwright?" George says, "I'thou Cartwright." Jerry says, "You lot're not Cartwright." Finally, George cries out, "I know I'grand non Cartwright!" in true Abbott and Costello fashion.
7 "Was That Incorrect? Should I Not Have Done That?"
In the episode "The Scarlet Dot," George a job at the same office Elaine works at. Within a few days, he decides to take sex with the cleaning adult female on meridian of his ain desk in one of the show's most questionable dating choices. A series of unfortunate events leads her to spill the beans to George's new boss, Mr. Lippman.
Realizing he's well-nigh to be fired, George goes for bankrupt with this quote earlier adding, "I tell ya, I gotta' plead ignorance on this thing, because if anyone had said anything to me at all when I get-go started here, that that sort of thing was frowned upon, you know...'crusade I've worked in a lot of offices and I tell you, people do that all the fourth dimension!"What comes next is no surprise.
6 "It's Not A Lie If You Believe It."
George Costanza is a primary fibber, only he finds it difficult to go on upwardly and choreograph his deceits when other people are involved. For example, Susan ends up thinking George is having an affair because Elaine couldn't get the prevarication well-nigh what they were really doing straight.
When Jerry took a lie detector exam afterwards his policewoman girlfriend refused to believe he'd never seen an episode of Melrose Place, George realized he couldn't teach him how to lie. He did, all the same, offer him ane fantastically immoral snippet of wisdom: "Information technology'due south not a lie if you believe it!"
5 "The Sea Was Aroused That Day, My Friends! Like An Erstwhile Homo Trying To Send Dorsum Soup In A Cafeteria!"
The whole monologue at the terminate of "The Marine Biologist" is a classic moment that is delivered brilliantly by Jason Alexander. Information technology all starts when Jerry makes the hilarious fault of conjuring up a fake story nearly George in order to impress an old school flame that involves him existence (of all things) a Marine Biologist.
Naturally, George's bad luck comes calling when they stumble beyond a crowd of people surrounding a beached whale. It'southward up to "Marine Biologist" George Costanza to salve the mean solar day. Although his would-be girlfriend tells him to "go to Hell" later on learning virtually the lie, George was left with the mother of all fish stories to wow his friends with.
iv "Worlds Are Colliding!"
Anyone who has ever been in a long-term human relationship can relate to George'southward "Worlds are colliding!" theory. One's circle of friends and partner seem completely separate, and if they're together in the same room, it tin be awkward. It actually is like worlds are colliding – a perfectly apt metaphor.
It's fifty-fifty worse if worlds are colliding in a good fashion, such as when Elaine and Susan become pals. If Susan joined George's friendship grouping and started hanging around with Jerry and Elaine, "relationship George" would have had to merge with "independent George," leading to the demise of the latter.
iii "Just Yous Are, Blanche! You Are In The Shackles!"
In the episode "The Airport," as George gets to the final mag on the shelf before a convicted criminal (who is photographed on the cover), he channels Bette Davis in the movie What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?. In the movie, there's a moment where Blanche tells Jane, "Yous wouldn't be able to do these awful things to me if I weren't all the same in this chair," and Jane gleefully replies, "But you are, Blanche! You are in that chair!"
Similarly, the criminal tells George, "If I wasn't in these shackles..." and George – in the same gleeful tone as Davis' Jane – replies, "Just yous are, Blanche! You lot are in the shackles!"
2 "Oh Aye? Well, The Jerk Store Called. They're Running Out Of YOU!"
Everyone tin can relate to George in the season viii episode "The Improvement." After being insulted past a co-worker for his ravenous devouring of all the shrimp in the meeting, he struggles to devise the perfect comeback for their next fateful see.
Somewhen, he settles on "Oh, yeah? Well, the jerk shop called. They're running out of you!" Not only is it a weak comeback, but it's pummeled into submission by his nemesis' next reply which completely deflates what little bear on information technology had to begin with, leaving George feeling more humiliated than e'er.
1 "Please, A Trivial Respect, For I Am Costanza, Lord Of The Idiots."
In an early episode of Seinfeld, George tries out a social experiment past wearing a hymeneals ring to run across if it makes him more than approachable to women. He ends up missing out on a friends-with-benefits state of affairs, plus courtside seats to every sporting effect at Madison Square Garden. Throughout the episode, Jerry and George have been arguing over who's the bigger idiot.
This is ane of the quotes that led Mike Costanza – Jerry Seinfeld's old friend who the character was named after – to sue NBC and claim that his name had been slandered by being depicted equally, among other things, the "lord of the idiots." Ouch.
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